Laugh That Stress Away!

Hey every body!

I'm sorry I was away for some time, but I'm back now, and I wanna start light, sticking to what this blog is about (see the subject of this post).


Here are some light weight jokes for you, that I just received by email:


1) Husband comes from church; greets his wife and lifts her up. he carries her around the house. the wife is so surprised and asks "did the pastor preach about being romantic"? the husband said " no, he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows.
 
2) A man entered a bus. He was sitting between an old woman and a beautiful young girl. All of a sudden, he fell asleep, when he woke up, he found himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. when he saw her face, he said "lord, lead me not into temptation and he slept again. when he woke up the second time, he found out that he was laying his head, this time on the beautiful girl's lap. when he saw her pretty face, then he smiled and said "oh lord, let thy will be done.
 
3) A pastor and his wife were on a journey to Conakry from Senegal by plane ,when suddenly the pilot announced that the plane is about to crash due to some technical problems, and therefore asked everyone on board to confess their sins so that they could make heaven, suddenly the man of God started confessing that he is responsible for the pregnant house maid and some other church members , then also his wife also confessed cheating with their house help and that their second child belongs to someone else , after all these confessions the pilot now shouted praise thy lord , the plane is now in good condition we are now safe to land , but the man of God shouted , no this plane must crash , pilot I say crash this plane , you have just destroyed my marriage------
 
4) A woman was trying to reach her hubby on his mobile phone but discovered she was out of airtime. she instructed her son to use his phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy.. after junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the 3 times he tried reaching daddy on his mobile phone. She waited impatiently for her husband to return home on sighting him, she immediately gave him a hot slap, while the man was trying to utter a word, she repeated the slap, which attracted their neighbors to the scene, the woman then asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called. Junior said “the number you’re trying to call is not reachable at the moment , please try again later”.
 
5) Dear All,
A proactive student’s tale:
 
Laugh this out ……………
 
 
Teacher: why did u laugh?
 

Boy: I saw 1 strap of ur bra.
 

Teacher: GET OUT of the classroom for 1 week..
 

2nd boy laughed.
 

Teacher: why did u laugh?
 

Boy 2: I saw both straps.
 

Teacher: GET OUT FOR 1 MONTH.
 

then the teacher bent down 2 pick up a piece of chalk,
………..Little Johny started walking out.
 

Teacher: Johny, why are you going out?
 

Little Johny : Judging from what I just saw, I think my school days are over.
 
 

Father I Slipped

This is a cute joke that I received by email:


There was a town where there was a minister who people came to and confess their sins.
Most people will confess committing adultery.

The minister despised the way confessions were done, especially when people mentioned adultery.

So he instructed the sinners to use the word "slipped" instead.

Every body learned the word, and used it instead of "Adultery".

Days passed by, and the minister died, a new one came to town, and people still used the word "slipped".

The new minister didn't have a clue, so on Sunday's preach he said : " some one should fix the roads and the walk ways in this town, I can't believe how most of the people are slipping!"

Every body laughed hard, but no one laughed harder than the mayor.

The minister got mad and he addressed the mayor : "of all the people you shouldn't be laughing! your wife slipped 8 times this week!".

A Scientific Joke!

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In a conference for Science and Technology, a french scientist stood up and started talking about the history of innovation in France:

"and when we were digging under the Eiffel tower we found old telephone lines, which means we've been using telephones in France for over a 100 years!"

Every body knew that this was a lie, but they smiled as if the guy was telling a light joke.


After that, an Italian scientist stood up and started talking about the history of innovation in Italy, and he said:

"and when we were digging under the Pisa tower, we found old telephone lines, which means we've been using telephones in Italy for over 500 years"

the same response came from the audience.


And then an Egyptian scientist stood up, and he started by saying:

"and as we were digging under the Pyramids....."

The Audience started to laugh like nuts!


and then he continued:


"We didn't find any cables, WHICH MEANS WE'VE BEEN USING MOBILE PHONES FOR 7000 YEARS!!"

Husband v.s. Wife

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Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever


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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.


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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills. 
Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you


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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.


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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents


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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

Rhymes class

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan.

'My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan ,
If I can, If I can, If I can. '

'Very good', the teacher said to Dan.

She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.

'My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby,
If I can, if I can, if I can.'

'That is good Sally,' the teacher said. 'But maybe one day you will change your mind.'

Next up was Little Johnny. He was the naughty one in the class. Here is his rhyme:

'My name is Johnny,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan ,
I'm going to help Sally with her plan,
I know I can, I can, I can.'

The Impacts of Changing Your Job

This is so funny :) I received it from a friend by email:

"A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

 

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

 

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!

 

"The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

 

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years."